You always hear clichés that you should trust your gut feeling, following your heart and blah blah . I’m turning 21 the next week and I realized that whatever I did during these years was normal stuff. Stuff that doesn’t make you feel alive. Always following a schedule. Study, eat, sleep, friends. The brain, a strong control freak wanting to have everything planned out. Everything seemed repetitive and monotonous until that day.
I get a call one morning from a friend. He says: “I’m climbing the Himalayas next month! Are you in or out?” Subconsciously I blurted out a Yes. Next thing I know is my brain freaking out. There can be no place for such randomness. How was I to manage my college, tests, gym sessions and other stuff. It is not easy to just disappear off the grid for a fortnight just because your heart wants you to travel. You can’t just leave everything because that inner voice tells you to travel, right? There will come a time when everything will fall into place and you can travel without worrying about you boss or spouse or teacher or family or friends, right?
NO. Unfortunately you know it too. The time will never be perfect. You’ll either be too old or too young or too tired or too broke. I had a chance to try out a thing I always wanted. I trusted that the voice in me was strong enough to guide me through all the randomness. So today, I managed to schedule everything properly and I’m on my way to the Himalayas. Yes, a fifteen day break right in the middle of the working year. You never know what opportunities may open up once you trust your gut.
I’m currently on my way. Nothing is going as planned so far. There is so much randomness. I haven’t figured out where I’ll be staying tomorrow. I have the slightest idea where I’ll be eating my dinner tonight. I’m low on battery, without proper Internet access and can’t even pinpoint myself on a map. It’s 2 degrees and my fingers are freezing as I type every word. But there’s this adrenaline rush. For the first time in months I have nothing planned. This frenzy is amazing. I’m in love. In love with this chaos. After all life is a big bucket list and getting things done is the way, I believe, to truly make the most out of it.
It is hard to believe that a mere permutation of certain words read somewhere can make you scream out that this is what you’ve always wanted to say to the world. I came across such an excerpt while reading the work of Gillian Flynn. And it was at this moment I knew that I was in love with that text.
‘Our society was utterly, ruinously derivative (although the word derivative as a criticism is itself derivative). We were the first human beings who would never see anything for the first time. We stare at the wonders of the world, dull eyed underwhelmed. Mona Lisa, the Pyramids, the Empire State Building. Jungle animals on attack, ancient icebergs collapsing, volcanoes erupting. I can’t recall a single amazing thing I have seen firsthand that I didn’t immediately reference to a movie or TV show. A fucking commercial. You know the awful singsong of the blase: Seeeen it. I’ve literally seen it all, and the worst thing, the thing that makes me want to blow my brains out, is: The secondhand experience is always better. The image is crisper, the view is keener, the camera angle and the soundtrack manipulate my emotions in a way reality can’t anymore. I don’t know that we are actually human at this point, those of us who are like most of us, who grew up with TV and movies and now the Internet. If we are betrayed, we know the words to say;when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We all are working from the same dog-eared script. It’s very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless automat of characters. And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we dont have genuine souls.’
Reading new things always holds the possibility amazing you to unbelievable extents and this was possibly one of those moments for me.